Hill editor has superficial thoughts

By SCOTT TAYLOR
Editor

Recently, I had a realization, and a big one at that. Normally, the realizations I have are small, such as “I’m out of bread,” or “That guy looks like Fonzie,” or “Ooop! I showed up for work without any pants on again.”

No, no. This realization didn’t end in my being arrested. I saw that, after eight years in journalism, this is my second to the last newspaper, so I write this article not because I need to fill up this space on the page but didn’t have anything else to put here. Instead, I wanted to share with everyone a little of what goes on inside my head.

You know what impresses me? Windshield wipers. They fricken fascinate me.

No, the internet doesn't fascinate me. Nuclear-powered machines, laser surgery, circuit boards. None of that interests me because I UNDERSTAND it. But windshield wipers are different.
It's like, a piece of rubber on a stick clumsily bats at falling water on the glass of your car....AND IT WORKS!

I mean, think about it. When you hit your wipers, this shaky black piece of rubber scrapes across your windshield, and all the running water is just knocked off.

They spend millions of dollars on these high-speed trains that break the sound barrier. The utmost brilliant mathematicians, physicists, and engineers pour their combined brains into ingenious design optimizing speed and stability...but how do they get water off the windshield?
It's not through anti-hydrogen & oxygen molecules. A piece of rubber on a stick bats it off.

Trillions of dollars are spent on making shuttles that LEAVE THE FRICKEN PLANET...I mean, THINK about that; we leave the bloody planet. That's just insane and mind-boggling! The physics! The calculus! The genius!......

BUT, when these machines--which represent the pinnacle of our starting to barely fathom our full potential--re-enter the atmosphere, you know how they keep water from blocking their visage as they coast down? Yup. Rubber on a stick.

And you KNOW that thousands of years in the future, we'll have these space-time continuum modulator devices that allow us to pop in and out of wormholes that give us access to the whole of the galaxy...and how will we keep fluid in subspace from getting on the windshield? We'll have a piece of rubber on a stick just a batting away....

I also recently discovered the answer to an odd mystery.
For whatever reason, in the past few days, the power has been going off in my house. I would hear a hellacious noise, and then the power would flicker for a couple of seconds...just long enough to reset my alarm, making me late...nice.

 Anyhow, I was in my yard when I heard a sound that only sort of sounded as if the neighborhood were under Deathstar attack. Across the street, I summarily saw what scientists call a "big ass blue spark" sizzling atop a utility pole.

I'm not talking static electricity in the blankets here. I mean it looked like I was in a sci-fi movie. HUGE ASS BLUE SPARKS.

I wouldn't have believed it if I didn’t see it. I thought maybe a transformer was blowing up. It wasn't for a split-second, either. I mean, this lasted six or seven fricken seconds. I thought, “Holy Henry Winklers! The whole neighborhood's gonna blow!”

Then the light show ended, and I saw a black figure fall from the top of the pole. At first, I thought I was a black bird...but then when I saw a tail.

Apparently, squirrels have been getting electrocuted and causing the entire neighborhood to lose power...weird.

The letters in “Wal-Mart” keep burning out on the building. It used to say “Wal-Mar.”

One day, one of the managers there was doing the famous “Wal-Mart cheer.”

She says, “Gimme an "W"!

Everyone yells “W!”

Gimme an "A"!

They yell “A!”

“Gimme an "L"!

They yell “L!”

Gimme an "M"!

They yell “M!”

Gimme an "A"!

They yell “A!”

Gimme an "R"!

They yell “R!”

Then she just walked off.....